*This post comes with a trigger warning*
Since I started this campaign, I always promised myself that the goal of the campaign was to be open and honest about my struggles with mental health and share what I’m implementing to overcome them and move forward in a positive direction and offer hope and inspiration to others that they can do the same.
We all have flaws or shadow aspects of ourselves. That’s okay, it’s part of the human experience. However, I’m learning that we must accept and integrate this shadow not try to hide, or run away from it.
I’ve been experiencing stress lately, which has manifested itself in anger in my life, this unfortunately caused me to show aggression to someone I love. Thankfully, nobody was physically hurt, as I have done a lot of work on not losing control, but emotions have been for both parties, so have found there is still more to do.
Anger has always been part of my life, it has largely been a destructive force leading to damaged emotions, people and material items. I also have had the capacity to turn this anger on myself, which leads to self deprecation, self loathing and if it gets too much even not wanting to carry on and end it all.
Having a diagnosis of bipolar, can make my ability to deal with stress and anger harder than others. However, I’m not using it as an excuse, it’s just something I must live with and am working on.
I’ve learned that I must try my best not to let stress disturb my peace, I know this, but sometimes I make mistakes. That said, finding peace and balance is imperative to lead a happy and fulfilling life, no matter what people, places or situations it throws at you.
This is a realm of duality, extremes in experience, so take comfort in the fact that overcoming these pressures make us grow and evolve as beings and souls.
I’ve conjured up a little haiku, or a mantra to remind me of what I need to do in a potentially triggering situation, which has potential to escalate into anger, aggression, or conflict.
Don’t cave in
Avoid the explosion
Hopefully, it’ll stick and I’ll be able to remember it when I need it. Perhaps it may help you too, so feel free to use it or share it with someone who may benefit.
While anger has been a destructive force, it has also been a protective force, aiding me to overcome situations where I’m being bullied, or was in danger by scaring the assailant(s) into not continuing whatever harm they were trying to inflict on me.
It’s part of me, I forgive it, accept it and am thankful for it trying to protect me.
That said, I’ve experienced reacting to being triggered by someone I love, can evoke the same response within me as if I were under attack! This is of course is a recipe for disaster, as it is obviously not the case!
So I have now embarked on a path of going in, to try and uncover what these triggers, or traumatic memories are, to enable me to integrate them and then let go of anything I’m holding on to that no longer serves me.
Having experienced a big emotional purge this morning, during and after a 30 minute “letting go meditation” I found, it’s not for the faint-hearted, however it’s necessary work that needs to be done, so I’m up for the challenge!
Also, if you’re reading this post, it resonates, as you also struggle with anger or aggression, I’d be interested to hear from you.
Perhaps, (obviously with your consent,) we could have a chat, even get creative and record an interview or something that we could share to the community?
This will in turn offer further hope and inspiration as peer support, by discussing and sharing effective coping strategies to those who also have anger as a shadow aspect.
Anyway, thank you for reading, look forward to hearing from you. I’ll keep you posted on my progress.
Have a wonderful day and may peace, love and positive vibes be with you. ✨
Categories: mental health awareness, Uncategorized
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